I have what one might call an obsession with the undead, as you may have been able to guess from the Reagan post. Not just the movies, but using makeup to become one of them on holidays and events that don't happen often enough. But I hate, HATE, fast zombies.
I firmly believe that directors turn to fast zombies because they don't have the story, character development and the talent to keep people interested. So, they have to amplify their movie by throwing in zombies that are more like gazelles.
That said, 28 Days Later is one of my favorite movies ever. They get away with it because their version of zombies never actually die, they become "infected." And, it's done really really well, so I'll let them live. But largely, zombies should stay slow. If you want fast monsters, try slashers, werewolves, vampires and that nonsense. Zoms get you in numbers, not speed. That's why they're truly terrifying and that's what sets them apart.
One reason that fast zombies irritate me is that they are a paradox. Zombie = undead. Undead = gross, rotting corpse. I don't know about the rest of physicality, but I'm pretty sure that when you die you don't gain the speed of a gazelle. It's ridiculous that they would be fast. They're dead. They also can't climb fences like they do in Zombieland or that new Walking Dead show on AMC (though I do love that show otherwise).
Zombies are illogical (The only exception I'll allow is Bub in Day of the Dead, and ONLY cause it's Romero), slow moving, dead, rotting, festering things. Not greyhounds. If you start to give a zombie speed and logic then it's not a zombie movie. It's a really ugly cannibal that had a bad day. Jeez. There are some genre conventions that don't need to be messed with.
All of this production value crap is also pretty irritating. Zombies need to get back to their low-budget roots and leave Hollywood to Hollywood. Zombies used to be a medium for cultural comment, not just a run-of-the-mill blood and guts movie. Think of Romero's Dawn of The Dead and its metaphors of zombie consumerism, or Night of the Living dead and the insanity of racism. With all of the pansy vampires and werewolves going around these days (Dracula is undoubtedly rolling in his coffin), why would zom's even want to be part of Hollywood? It's ridiculous. All of the zombie effects I've done use only liquid latex, paper towels, cotton balls, cheap foundation, fake blood, and basic Halloween makeup and I've always gotten compliments on my goriness. You don't need to computer generate zombies. Making a zombie should never be a lost craft :D
If you're going to do a large-budget zombie movie, stick with the conventions but improve upon other things....like the human response and the reasons the zombie outbreak had happened in the first place.
I Am Legend infuriates me. I saw it in 2007, when it came out, and totally forgot until I was doing a huge research paper (on female roles in zombie movies) that the supposed zombies were actually vampires, even though people are much more likely to describe them as zoms rather than vampires. The genres need to be kept separate. Make your vampires, vampires, and make your zombies, zombies. Don't try to mix. Don't try to introduce romantic feelings between zompires. Don't take UV sensitivity and bloodthirst and wrap it in a zom body. It's dumb. It was supposed to be based on a book anyway. From what I gather, it didn't stick to the book in the least, it also confused a whole lot of people about the nature of zoms.
Zombie movies don't have to always be scary, either. I love Fido and Shaun of The Dead.
Finally, a zom's only motivation is to feed. They are relentless, but albeit easy to avoid if the proper precautions are taken (which in movie land, they don't). They go down quickly when they're shot in the head, but they don't stop until that moment, when the brain stem is shut off. That gives them enough. They get you in numbers. They creep into your houses through a backdoor or broken window. People attract them by making noise or advertising their location. Zoms don't need to be fast. People are reckless enough to die by the slow shuffling ones. Even in Shaun of the Dead, while they're making fun of the genre, people still die by the slow zoms because they're just not careful.
Zombies are scary because it's almost plausible. When you walk into a crowded place, try to imagine the people around you as zoms. It's not hard to do, especially on Black Friday. All of these shuffling people...with a little makeup, they could totally pass for them. That doesn't exist when they're these fast hybrid things.
Oh, do I loathe Zach Snyder....he took Dawn Of the Dead, gave it fast zombies, sex appeal, and a ton of undeveloped characters and called it a remake. He's also the same guy that did Zombieland. Moy, moy terrible.
This is what Romero said:
What do you think about fast zombies — the kind we see in video games and movies like 28 Days Later?
Well, I took a big swipe at them in this film: There’s a running gag in the movie that dead things don’t move fast. Partially, it’s a matter of taste. I remember Christopher Lee’s mummy movies where there was this big old lumbering thing that was just walking towards you and you could blow it full of holes but it would keep coming. And in the original Halloween, Michael Meyers never ran, he just sort of calmly walked across the lawn or across the room. To me, that’s scarier: this inexorable thing coming at you and you can’t figure out how to stop it. Aside from that, I do have rules in my head of what’s logical and what’s not. I don’t think zombies can run. Their ankles would snap! And they haven’t yet taken out memberships to Curves.
Also, Pens fans, Matt Cooke got suspended for four games for his hit on Tyutin. Livid? Me too. No one got hurt, we're already missing 5 players due to injury, and now we're missing 6 because of this stupid ruling. NHL, I know you guys hate Cookie, but at least keep your sanctions against players consistent. LOIUASBPDIWUsdn
So what do you think about the fast vs. slow zombies? Or Matt Cooke? Or fast zombie Matt Cooke on ice?
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